Relationships are rough. You might think that you’re putting forth your best self and you still end up failing a lot of the time. You might be going through stretches wherein you feel like luck just isn’t going to be on your side. You so desperately want to make things work out to your favour but you don’t know what’s wrong. You don’t know what the problems are so you don’t know what to do to fix them. And that’s okay. You’re not alone on that boat. A lot of people don’t really know what they’re doing with regards to their relationships and romantic lives.
But worry no more. If you really want to understand why you’re not doing all too well in your relationships, then this article is going to help you out. Here are a few reasons as to why you’re not finding much success in your love life.
1. You had a toxic home life as you were growing up.
Scientists have concluded that sometimes, growing up in a toxic family atmosphere can really destroy a person’s social skills and one’s ability to relate to other people. You might come off as very off-putting to others because of some issues that you have had growing up; issues that you might have left unresolved and unaddressed.
2. You aren’t flexible on your deal-breakers in your relationships.
Yes, it’s okay for you to have your boundaries in a relationship. However, you shouldn’t be all too strict with that. You have to remember that people aren’t perfect and that most people you meet are going to have certain flaws and shortcomings. Try to be more lenient with your list of deal-breakers in a relationship.
3. Your expectations are always unreasonably high.
It’s normal to have expectations and standards going into a relationship. In fact, that will have you create a sense of structure and order in your relationship. However, you can’t have unreasonably high expectations. You have to be flexible. You have to keep it real. Your ideal partner probably doesn’t exist.
4. You are too traumatized to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
You are just so traumatized to the point that you are afraid of letting other people in. You don’t want to make yourself vulnerable because you are so afraid of getting hurt. You have been broken and hurt way too many times in the past. And that’s why you have difficulty opening yourself up nowadays. Unfortunately for you, vulnerability is a necessity in any kind of intimate relationship.
5. You have a really low sense of self-esteem.
Not to say that other people can’t love you if you don’t learn to love yourself. However, it’s a lot easier for other people to fall in love with who you are if you actually highlight your strengths. You need to love yourself more because when you do so, you are unconsciously giving other people the permission to do the same as well.
6. You get anxious about what would happen when you meet the right one.
You get really nervous about the idea of meeting the right person. Yes, love is scary. However, you can’t let your fears or anxieties cripple you. You can’t let your insecurities get the best of you. If you keep cowering behind your anxieties, it will be very hard for people to find any incentive to love you.
7. You keep chasing after someone who is already taken.
You can’t keep chasing after the wrong people. Expand your horizons. Obviously, if you keep chasing after people you can’t have, then you are only going to be setting yourself up for disappointment. You need to be realistic and just try to open yourself up to people who are actually available to you.
8. You think that you have to give up who you are to be in a relationship.
You get the sense that you need to give up who you are for other people to fall in love with you. But that can’t be the case. You always need to stay true to who you really are. You need to be your true and genuine self. If you wear a mask, then you are essentially telling other people that the real you isn’t worth loving.
9. You keep getting caught in the same toxic patterns.
You keep making the same mistakes over and over again. You need to learn from them. You need to make sure that you don’t get stuck in the same toxic cycle.
10. You have difficulty trusting others.
And that’s a major problem. You have to know that trust is going to be a very important aspect in any kind of romantic relationship. You will never be able to make a relationship work unless the two of you trust each other wholeheartedly. And if you can’t get over your trust issues, it’s likely you won’t be able to sustain any relationships at all.