At the beginning everything is easy. You are blinded by infatuation and the sexual chemistry is too strong to see what is really going on or what your partner is truly like. We all give the best of ourselves to impress whoever we are dating. Most of us hide our imperfections, but that is completely understandable if you don’t have anything serious to hide.
The real problem arises when you stumble upon someone who is toxic. Of course, he will hide that side of him because he wants to lure you in. He will present himself as perfect and flawless until you loosen up a bit and start trusting him.
When the honeymoon phase is over, the masks drop and you are finally able to see the true face of your loved one. The problem is that most of us get comfortable and we put down our guards. That’s when the toxic behaviors start emerging.
There doesn’t have to be anything big at first. Actually, there never is. Toxic behaviors are disclosed bit by bit until they cause a great explosion of emotions and finally a catastrophe.
To prevent becoming a victim of toxic behavior, it’s best not to give in to the passion completely at the beginning. Try to look at things with a different pair of eyes, like it’s happening to someone else.
Try to be objective and cautious. Maybe then, you will see all the red alerts that are screaming at you to get out of that toxic environment.
These are the toxic behaviors he presents that will make your relationship go down in flames:
1. He can’t stand criticism
Whenever there is a problem in your relationship which makes you unhappy and when you confront him about it, he flips. Whatever you say, whatever criticism you give him, he overreacts.
You think that after some time you’ve been together, he will realize that you don’t want to put him down but help him become better by showing him his mistakes and things he did that hurt you. But, he doesn’t get it that way.
He thinks you are out to get him and humiliate him. Therefore, any overreaction by him as feedback on something you’ve got to say is clearly showing disrespect to you.
By doing this, he is telling you he doesn’t want to hear what you’ve got to say. He doesn’t respect you.
Don’t let this happen to you. No one has the right to control your life or to see you submissive to him. If you are feeling unhappy, you have the right to talk about it.
If he denies you this, then it’s better to leave than to deal with much greater consequences that will follow.
Your self-respect is highly important and if he doesn’t respect you, it’s only a matter of time when you will stop respecting yourself. And then, you have a problem.
2. He is hiding things from you
Trust is the most important ingredient of a successful relationship. It’s the ground on which you build your future life with the one you love. If you are not honest with each other, your relationship will fail sooner or later.
You won’t know if he is lying to you at the beginning, but he won’t be able to withhold the truth for so long. It will eventually come out in the open.
You don’t deserve to be treated like this. Just remember that there are plenty of guys out there who would treat you like their princess, who would never lie to you because they simply trust you.
They know you will help them and understand them without judging.
3. He is stonewalling you
This is pretty much the same as ignoring someone. He won’t even acknowledge your presence.
If you are talking to him and trying to explain how you feel to him or trying to solve any problem, he will ignore you completely and stare at his phone or he will just leave the conversation without announcing it.
Why? Simply, because he doesn’t give a damn. This is not healthy behavior. By stonewalling your partner, the two of you can only grow more apart even if there was a chance to solve your problems.
You have the right to be listened to. Your voice has to be heard. Even if you are not right, you have the right to say what you want. No one can and or should stop you from doing that.
Don’t fool yourself by making excuses for him, that he is tired or whatever. If you don’t stop this in time, it will only get worse.
4. He withholds affection
Maybe you did something he doesn’t approve of or dislikes and he wants to punish you by withholding affection. He doesn’t want to give you love in order to teach you a lesson.
We are all human beings. We need the human touch and we need to be held in someone’s arms. In short, we need love and we need to be loved.
You have to realize that if you’ve been true to yourself and honest, you don’t have to be punished. Actually, no one deserves to be punished, no matter what they did, and you don’t either.
Withholding love might not affect you right away, but it will cause greater pain and consequences later in life.
5. He doesn’t respect your boundaries
He is stealing your sense of self. If he is constantly including you in the things he likes doing without asking you first or not giving you the opportunity to say whether you like his idea or not, he is denying you the right to be who you really are.
You have your boundaries as we all do. You have things you like doing and things you hate. If he doesn’t respect that, well then he is nothing more than a selfish jerk who only wants what is good for him.
Don’t give anyone the power to control your happiness. You have to be the one in charge of your life and if the two of you don’t like the same things, you should try to find that out and not force each other to do what only one of you likes. You mustn’t give him that much power over you.
Because, when you look at it, your life will end and the only thing you will remember are the things he wanted to do and places he wanted to go.
Where does that leave you? What did you do with your life? Was it your life at all?
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé