While compromise is essential in a relationship, knowing your boundaries is just as essential for a healthy relationship. Here are the things you should never change for your man.
When casual dating turns to a relationship and starts getting serious, you’re bound to make sacrifices here and there for each other. This only becomes damaging if you feel the need to change sure things about yourself just to win his favor and keep his interest. Wondering which things are they? Read on for more guidance.
1. Your major beliefs in life
This could be the religion that you belong to (or lack thereof) and the political views you hold as a citizen. You should never change them in an effort to hold on to the guy you’re dating or to impress him.
They’ll change over time as you grow and learn new things about life, and if that happens, that’s fine. However, if you start pretending that you don’t care about religious beliefs you used to care about because your boyfriend wants you to, you’re making a huge mistake. Another mistake is when you try to side with him in whatever his political view is.
You’ll lose yourself in the relationship and you’ll become someone you’re not if you continue doing this. Instead, hold on to what you believe, and if he tries to make you change them, dump him. He’s not worth it if he doesn’t know how to respect and work with your differences.
2. Your values
Maybe your parents taught you not to have sex until you’re married, or you grew up thinking that you should find a guy, get married and be a stay-at-home mom so you can focus on taking care of him and the kids instead of having a career of your own. Whatever it is, no man who truly cares for will want you to change your values, and no smart woman will change her values just to make a man stay with her.
3. Your weight
When he met you, you were 130 pounds but because you think that may be fat for him, you want to lose weight, resulting in you engaging in some unhealthy activities to lose weight. If you do so, your health will be in danger.
If he loves you, he’ll only encourage you to be healthy by making sure you pick the right food and fit exercise into your busy schedule. That’s it. Whether you lose weight or not shouldn’t be a concern of his. Remember, you should only make changes about how much you weigh when it’s your doctor telling you to do so.
4. Your body
You may think that if you were only a bit taller, thinner or curvier he’ll stay with you and choose you over all the other women. The truth is, this thought is baseless unless you actually ask him what his preferences are.
More often than not, guys aren’t bothered about these issues that plague us from time to time. He’s with you for a reason—that’s what matters. So, drop the idea of changing any part of your body, thinking that it will make him stay, as only he can make that decision.
5. Your look
If you’re anything like me, you’re a fan of t-shirts, jeans and sneakers. I rarely wear dresses and skirts. While I know it’s cute to change my look from time to time, I’ve never obsessed about whether or not my man will like it. I’m comfortable with my style. If you’re having doubts about yours, don’t. Design him love you for who you are.
6. Your interests
I’m interested in rock music, books and coffee. My boyfriend is interested in motorbikes, RnB music and all kinds of food. We have varied interests, but we never compel each other to change in favor of the other. Instead, we experiment and try to learn something new from each other’s interests. You can do the same thing in your relationship. There’s no need to like everything he likes.
7. Your friends
The only time he can tell you about not seeing your friends is if they’re evidently bad influences in your life. If they’re not, he shouldn’t have a say regardless of how weird they look.
So, don’t feel you need to change the type of friends you have and be close right away to his circle of friends, too, just to make him think you’re cool. Being close to your friends, who’ve been with you through thick and thin, is what cool is all about.
8. Your family
A guy who truly loves you (and is worth keeping) will never ask you to choose between him and your family. Similarly, a woman who’s truly wife material will always have her family’s best interests at heart, and defend them when necessary. With that said, never forsake of betray your family no matter how flawed they are. They were there before you met your man and they will be there when he leaves.
9. Your personality
Don’t change your good attitudes and how you are as a person just so that he’ll love you more. If you do, he’ll be falling in love only with a version of yourself and that will create more problems for you in the long run. So, just be yourself, work on areas you know you need to improve on and show him you’re how confident you are. If he has issues with that, he can leave.
Changing who you are for someone you love is unhealthy and dangerous. It can cause you more problems than you can imagine. So, if you want to hold on to your man, be yourself. If he’s for you, he’ll accept you in and out and he’ll stay.
Have you ever changed yourself for a guy you’re dating? How did it turn out for you? Share your thoughts in the comments!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé